- Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
- Home is pretty utopian.
- I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.
- If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
- In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
- Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
- It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
- Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
- Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
- Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.
- Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
- Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
- Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.
- The best things in life are silly.
- The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
- The only risk of failure is promotion.
- There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
- We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
- When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
- Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.
- Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
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